✍️ No Excuses! How to Not-Write without Shame
or, Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason
I can’t believe how well #GraNoWriMo is taking off!
I started with this vague idea of creating my own personal NaNoWriMo as a way to motivate myself after feelings of despair and get some serious work done on my novel. That quickly leapt to, Well, would anyone else be interested? Which, in turn, led to creating a daily email with quotes, inspiring views, and a few words from me every morning.
Oh, and The Hemingway Café. That sprung from a desire to create a community. I had toyed with the idea, but didn’t spend a whole lotta time thinking about it until Tom Pendergast mentioned he was looking forward to connecting with the #GraNoWriMo community.
After a little back and forth about what that might look like, and a bit of WordPress research, I realized I could fairly easily create an online message board for #GraNoWriMo participants to connect with each other (“The Morning Coffee”), trumpet their successes (that became “The Evening Nightcap”, thanks to Jodene Wylie), and create their own topics for questions and updates as they wished.
The Hemingway Café has taken a life of its own, and I couldn’t be happier.
It was in The Evening Nightcap room that one of the participants, Mark DeLong, mentioned not getting words down one day. Essentially, he was letting go of the guilt of it all.
Well, my yesterday was a zero day, which sounds bad but I have come to accept that as okay–thanks in part to the support from fellow writers here at Les Deux Magots. My excuse (should I even need one)? I decided to listen to the Supreme Court discussing one of the Trump tariff cases…
“Should I even need one?”
I jumped on that question immediately. The fast answer: no.
Here’s why…
Why You Don’t Need an Excuse for Not Writing
My views on excuses crystallized in that moment. Here’s what I realized:
You don’t need to give an excuse to others when you don’t have to answer to them. Personal goals or targets are just that: personal.
Excuses are simply explanations with varying degrees of guilt and shame attached.
Those explanations sometimes get hyperbolized based directly on the level of guilt and shame. (“I was late because the bus in front of me was sooooo slow!”)
The level of guilt and shame fluctuates based on how badly you perceive yourself as “messing up” AND how much you believe you owe that person an explanation. (I don’t have the exact math formula, but it would be something like x=mess2+boss3.)
Excuses are mostly for our own benefit, either to assuage our feelings of guilt or divert responsibility in cases where your actions really did have an effect on other people.
If the former, remember that you don’t owe anybody anything in this case.
If the latter, own your shit, apologize, realize that nobody’s perfect, and move on.
I do not pretend to follow these practices to the letter. These are, in my mind, the ideals.
Mark’s comments struck me as the epitome of how every single writer wrestles with feelings of guilt at some point. Two nights before, I was rather sheepish when I admitted in The Evening Nightcap room that I’d had a zero day. Me. The guy who put this #GraNoWriMo thing together. And on Day 4, only! I certainly had feelings guilt because I saw myself as leading the way and being a shining example of perfection.
Ha!
I reminded myself that I had promised the group an email every day, but nothing about my own WIP production (as it should be). Not only that, I was quite clear that I was setting myself targets, not goals, like I talked about in this post. Committing to targets has to come with the realization that some days it just won’t work because your kid is in Emerge, work went late, the Jays are in the World Series, or you have a book launch to go to.
Key Takeaway: If you miss a day for any reason, let go of the guilt. And let go of the excuses! Writing is hard, full stop. Excuses don’t bring you anything but feelings of inadequacy. Besides, you don’t owe anyone anything. Creativity includes the freedom to write when you’re ready and to put down your pen when something else is more pressing. Revel in that freedom!
Over to You: How Does Not-Writing Make You Feel?
Do you feel guilty, lazy, shamed, all of the above? What do you do to let it go? Let us know in the comments below! The more we talk about it, the less we’ll feel the shame, methinks.
I couldn’t find a video dealing with the guilt of not writing. At least, I couldn’t find a video I whole-heartedly agreed with. So instead, I give you a very short video on the waterfalls of the Faroe Islands in the North Atlantic. Scroll down for some breath-taking views!
Until next time, keep writing with wild abandon!
~Graham
email me if you get lost.
What an interesting post, Graham. I just subscribed to #GranoWriMo, I don't know how I didn't notice it earlier.
I believe excuses, while a lot of times are real and have to be dealt with, are made up because of procrastination. As Carlos Ruiz Zafon said in one of his novels: "Anyone who wants to call themselves a writer has to earn the right to procrastinate."
On the other hand, there are artists who make up excuses to practice their craft. I usually want to write, every day and most of the times I do, but as I said in the previous post I am haunted by shadowy fears. That makes me feel guilty, lazy, inadequeate and embarrassed. At those moments, I have come to think that I want into an imaginary writing room, only to find my characters waiting for me with hostile intentions and they start speaking one after the other:
"I don't believe he will make it past half an hour today."
"That's a bet. I wonder what excuse he will make up this time. He has already 'attended' the funerals of nearly all his loved ones. Some of them have died twice. Yesterday it rained too much. Last week he had indigestion issues."
"Hey, that's true. I have stomach problems too."
"He made you have them, so there can be two of you."
"Excuse me, Mr. Writer, we wanted to know if you are going to write again anytime soon. We have been unemployed for too long."
"I told you, we should have gone to Stephen King. Now, that's a host who knows how to treat his guests."
"Yes, until they end up dead or turned into vampires. Out of the frying pan and into the fire."
~~And the story goes on...
I have never heard of The Hemingway Café, and by its name it sounds amazing. Is it a real place or an online community?
Ah Graham, you credit me for being part of the inspiration for this, but I must confess that it’s turned out not to be a good match for my personality after all. I did not (and will not) embrace a “write every day” goal, so that part of it went right out the window. Then I recognized pretty early on that I’m not one for daily doses of optimism and congratulations: they just feel false to me, manufactured somehow. Makes me sound like a pretty terrible match for this kind of experiment doesn’t it? Ah well, you try things and sometimes they don’t work the way you hoped they might. As for guilt? Nah, not a bit. I must say though, I commend and admire your diligence in making this thing work. Very impressive.