✍️ Fear of Writing is Actually Fear of Showing

or, How to Write Anything without Worrying about What Your Mum Thinks

I wish I had more time to read other people’s Substacks.

There. I said it. As it is, I read quite a few – for pleasure and for information. I recently found out that I’m subscribed to 110 Substacks, a number that greatly surprised me. That means 110 people (at least) reach out to me on a regular or semi-regular basis. That’s a lot of bandwidth that I can’t always accommodate.

But when

Elif Shafak

’s “When Do We Give Up on Writing?” happened into my inbox one morning at just the right moment, my curiosity was piqued. Who wants to give up on writing?

Turns out, there are a lot of writers who say they have a fear of writing.

I’ve written about Writerly Fears in these pages quite a bit. Fear does drive us away from writing. Elif described it succinctly in her post:

...a young woman in the book signing queue says to me:

“I want to write, I used to, but I am afraid of writing… how can I overcome this fear?”

I tell her that as humans we are not afraid of writing. Not of words. Not of letters. Definitely not of stories and storybooks. What we are really afraid of is other people— their judgements, their criticism, their harshness.

A lightbulb clicked on, and I saw everything more clearly.

Et tu, Brute? A New Theory on the Fear of All Writing Fears

I mean, I’ve been dancing around that idea in this Substack for a long time now. Way back in one of my earliest posts is one talking about how Fear of not being good enough is the Fear of All Fears. I’m not retracting that – it’s still accurate. It’s just not as precise as it could be.

Because when you dig into the fear of not being good enough, what you find is that there is a root to even that fear. And that root is judgment from others.

It’s unavoidable, really. Humans – even writers – are social creatures. We consciously and subconsciously look for social clues telling us how to and how not to behave. (Don’t let the punks fool you – most break their guitars and yell as loudly as possible in reaction to how they know they’re expected to behave. They’re reactionary, which is exactly what anti-establishment implies. Doesn’t mean they aren’t afraid, deep down, of what people think.

But I digress.)

We care what other people think of us because we care how and if we fit into our social group. Yes, certainly, to varying degrees depending on the person. Your Mum, for example – you probably care a lot about what she thinks. Ultimately though, we care about how almost all people perceive us. It’s the same as the mechanism at work to make me feel bad when I don’t read as many Substacks as I’m subscribed to...

However, just because we feel bad doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. We might feel bad for not picking up the murdery-looking hitchhiker walking up the road in the rain with one thumb in the air and the other hovering over his holster. Doesn’t mean we should pick him up in some desperate attempt to alleviate our discomfort. We keep on driving because it’s the smart thing to do.

Likewise, writing in the face of this fear of judgment is also the smart thing to do. I’m not saying, don’t care what other people thing. I’ve always found that to be hollow advice. I mean if you care, how can you not care all of a sudden? Keep caring about it, I say! But don’t let your fear of other people’s judgments control your writing.

I realize this is easier said than done too, so here are a few strategies for writing in the face of fear.

How to Write in the Face of Judgment

• Write to the person you fear most from reading. So, if it’s your Mum you’re most worried about, write the piece to her. Caution: you do run the risk of censoring yourself. There are some fucking things she’s better off not knowing. Writing to a single person has benefits though. In this case, an added benefit is that if you tailor your writing for the person you think may judge you, you’re more likely to speak in their language – and less likely to feel judged.

• Remember that no one has to read what you write. Ever. You could make it a “beach write” – that writing counterpart to a beach read. It’s fun bit of writing you do while lazing on a beach or in a coffee shop. You may decide later to submit that short story or shop around that nonfiction piece later. But for now, it’s just for you.

• Know that the right readers are out there. I’ve said it a million times: not everyone loves The Great Gatsby. Some people even hate it. But all that means is that those people are not Fitzgerald’s readers. There are many others who are. So if you ever wonder if someone is not going to like your work, fear no more – you’re absolutely right. But instead of worrying about them, focus your energy on the readers who do like your work!

• Constrain your writing. When you work with constraints like writing prompts and lipograms, you stop worrying about what other people will thing and start focusing on the writing itself. As Martha Stewart would say, that’s a good thing!

• Create a nom de plume. That way, it’s not you writing. It’s Richard Bachman. Or Agatha Christie. Or George Eliot. I recently listened to an episode of Smart Less in which Jason Bateman said he was much more comfortable delivering lines through a character than as himself. If it works for actors, it can work for writers, too.

Key Takeaways: Writing and showing your work are actually two different things. But sometimes the fear of showing turns into a fear of writing, as illogical as that might sound. Write the thing first. Then decide what to do with it. Maybe it goes into a drawer or maybe it goes out to the world. For the moment though, it’s just for you.

Over to You: Do You Have a Fear of Showing?

Do you have a fear of showing your writing? Or is it actually a fear of writing itself? Let us know in the comments below. I’d love to hear other people’s take on it.

I’ll leave you with a “video” of that Smart Less episode I mentioned above. (“Video” in quotation marks since it’s really more about the audio, as you’ll find out...) Scroll down below to listen.

…And Another Thing

I’ve had an exciting week!

First, I want to send a shoutout and a hearty thank you to the good people at Fictionistas, who republished my post on EFFing Writing yesterday. I’ve been following this Substack and its individual members for a while now – including

J.E. Petersen

and

Meg Oolders

, who encouraged me to submit. Such a huge honour to have my piece reposted there!

The weekend before last, I got to meet up with

Terry Fallis

again (below on the left) and meet Rod Carley (right) for the first time at Blue Heron Books in Uxbridge, Ontario. During an event this year’s Book Drunkard Festival they discussed Rod’s new book Ruff. Happened out of the blue for me during a short (working) roadtrip.

Also during that trip, I got to hang out with friends and fellow writers Susan Rogers (centre) and Jean E Pendziwol (right) for some speakeasy hopping in Toronto. Susan’s play The Cruise had its world premier on October 19, 2024. Meanwhile, Jean E won the prestigious TD Canadian Children’s Literature Award last week with her illustrator, Todd Stewart for their book, Skating Wild on an Inland Sea. So, I was in good company all weekend!

Until next time... keep writing with wild abandon!

~Graham

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