or, How "Eat Pray Love" Never Got Published in at Least One Parallel Universe - Just because someone doesn't like what you've written means they know what they're talking about. Even when they know what they're talking about.
If I ever got a tattoo (no) it might be “you are not your work”! 😆 I like it also because it’s a reminder that it’s possible to keep learning and growing.
I think I read about that in Big Magic, about the muse. Which she distinguishes from waiting for inspiration. Yes, another useful concept!
Handling rejection/criticism—if solicited. (If unsolicited, skip to Step 6.)
Step 1. Let them stand there in their wrongness and be wrong (there’s a West Wing GIF for that).
Step 2. Breathe, drink water, snack, nap. However much time you need. Remember that you asked for it and they’re giving their time to help you.
Step 3. Ask for clarification if possible: “Can you say more about that?” Obviously this step works best if you can get through 2 quickly and they’re still there helping you. You want to honour their work and really hear their point, even if you secretly think they’re wrong.
Step 4. Say “thank you.” They’re trying to help. And if they’re sorta not—like kinda throwing shade—then thank them for showing you not to ask them again.
Step 5. More water, snacks, time.
Step 6. If it’s feedback, do it or don’t. If it’s a rejection, revise or don’t and then shrug and send it out again.
All of this is easier said than done sometimes. This is why I’m a fanatic about “it’s not you; it’s your work.” You’re fine—you’re creating and participating in a creative culture, and that includes people not understanding, appreciating, enjoying, or even reading your work. Your work may need revisions or you may need to do other work to find its best audience. But YOU as a human being are FINE.
Your process is worth a lot! Thanks for sharing it with us!
I strongly agree with your "thank you" remark. In most cases, people are simply trying to help you. So being appreciative of that time, effort, and energy is a must in my books, too.
I've always been fascinated with your "it's not you; it's your work" take on the whole thing since I first heard you say it. Not only does it help protect you as a writer, but it also reinforces that, yeah, you need to separate yourself from the work.
Elizabeth Gilbert touches on a similar subject in the YouTube link at the bottom of the post. She said that during the Renaissance, there was a shift from the Ancient Greek idea of *having* a genius (or muse helping you, as it were) to *being* a genius -- that you're being creative all by yourself. Gilbert didn't like that shift, for the record... lol
In any case, anything that underlines the you are fine AND keeps you writing is great in my books!
"Everyone has an opinion, but nobody has “the truth”." - Loved this Graham, thank you!
Glad you did! It's a motto I've been living by, lately.
Thanks, Punit!
If I ever got a tattoo (no) it might be “you are not your work”! 😆 I like it also because it’s a reminder that it’s possible to keep learning and growing.
I think I read about that in Big Magic, about the muse. Which she distinguishes from waiting for inspiration. Yes, another useful concept!
If I ever got a tattoo like that, by the end of my life, I'd have a string of platitudes crossed out on my back with the current one underneath...
😆
Handling rejection/criticism—if solicited. (If unsolicited, skip to Step 6.)
Step 1. Let them stand there in their wrongness and be wrong (there’s a West Wing GIF for that).
Step 2. Breathe, drink water, snack, nap. However much time you need. Remember that you asked for it and they’re giving their time to help you.
Step 3. Ask for clarification if possible: “Can you say more about that?” Obviously this step works best if you can get through 2 quickly and they’re still there helping you. You want to honour their work and really hear their point, even if you secretly think they’re wrong.
Step 4. Say “thank you.” They’re trying to help. And if they’re sorta not—like kinda throwing shade—then thank them for showing you not to ask them again.
Step 5. More water, snacks, time.
Step 6. If it’s feedback, do it or don’t. If it’s a rejection, revise or don’t and then shrug and send it out again.
All of this is easier said than done sometimes. This is why I’m a fanatic about “it’s not you; it’s your work.” You’re fine—you’re creating and participating in a creative culture, and that includes people not understanding, appreciating, enjoying, or even reading your work. Your work may need revisions or you may need to do other work to find its best audience. But YOU as a human being are FINE.
That’s what I do—for what it’s worth.
Your process is worth a lot! Thanks for sharing it with us!
I strongly agree with your "thank you" remark. In most cases, people are simply trying to help you. So being appreciative of that time, effort, and energy is a must in my books, too.
I've always been fascinated with your "it's not you; it's your work" take on the whole thing since I first heard you say it. Not only does it help protect you as a writer, but it also reinforces that, yeah, you need to separate yourself from the work.
Elizabeth Gilbert touches on a similar subject in the YouTube link at the bottom of the post. She said that during the Renaissance, there was a shift from the Ancient Greek idea of *having* a genius (or muse helping you, as it were) to *being* a genius -- that you're being creative all by yourself. Gilbert didn't like that shift, for the record... lol
In any case, anything that underlines the you are fine AND keeps you writing is great in my books!
Thanks for the insights!