✍️ Don’t Listen to the Bastards – Even the Ones Who Know

or, How "Eat Pray Love" Never Got Published in at Least One Parallel Universe

Official movie still from the movie “Eat Pray Love”

For various reasons, I’m re-reading Eat Pray Love.

You might be surprised to hear that. You might say, “But Graham, that doesn’t sound like a book you’d read!” And on the surface, you’re absolutely right: a woman in the throes of a mid-life crisis isn’t exactly reading material I reach for. Plus, there is literally a third of the book devoted to, well, devotion. I have no problem with praying and meditation and committing yourself to three months in an Ashram in India, if that’s your jam. But personally, I’d like to see what’s in the second Showcase instead, please...

What may not surprise you is that what I do like to read is good writing. And Elizabeth Gilbert is one of the best writers, in my estimation. For example, at one point in Eat Pray Love she describes a spiritual experience as “indescribable” and then went on to describe it in a way that even I could understand.

However, she has detractors. One person I know said that the most grating, irritating, unforgiveable sin Elizabeth commits is early on in the book when she talks about the moment she realizes that every country she plans to visit starts with the letter “I”. Now, I kind of liked that titch of synchronicity. But, if I remember rightly, this person put the book down right there and then.

(An aside: my three “I” countries would include Italy, but I’d substitute Ireland and Iceland... Shall we call it Eat Drink Jólabókaflóðið?)

I admire this person’s taste, and had she told me of her extreme dislike before I had read it, I probably would have avoided the book altogether. Literally, this person could have been an editor herself. Which made me think: what if in some parallel universe she was Gilbert’s editor? What if she said, “Nope!” and moved onto the next writer?

The book might be dead in the water and never get to reach the millions of readers it eventually did.

Pretend You’re the Editor – What Gets In?

We’ve all heard the stories of JK Rowling and her 27 rejections. I’ve talked about rejection myself in these pages before. Rejection doesn’t mean a personal attack on you. It simply means that particular person didn’t like that particular story on that particular day. I’d like to delve into that a bit more here.

Let’s take a real-life example from your life. I will bet dollars to doughnuts that there was something in your past that you didn’t like but now you love. For me, the most obvious examples come from music. I’ve talked before about the song The Chauffeur by Duran Duran. I have been aware of the song for a long time. I’d heard it a few times. But it wasn’t until one particular listen – and for no particular reason – that suddenly I liked it. Loved it, even.

Has this happened to you? A song that you suddenly liked? A food? A TV show?

A book?

Maybe it’s a book you were forced to read it in high school. Or, maybe you were going through a bad breakup or a pet passed away or... something that would have negatively coloured anything you read/ate/experienced when you first read it.

It could be a book that you then go on to love somewheres down the road.

So let’s pretend you’re the editor of that book. You’re the gatekeeper who decides what gets published and what doesn’t. On one particular day, nope. On another particular day, you’d be rolling out the red carpet for the author, getting the marketing team full steam ahead, and booking meetings with Spielberg to make the movie.

Same book. Same editor. Different day.

The Big Lesson: Don’t Listen to Them!

The upshot of all this is: don’t listen to them! Their whims should not be your worry. Now, as always, I know that this is an “easier said than done” sitch. But just ‘cuz it’s not easy doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to do it.

When someone turns down my work, I:

1. Take a deep breath

2. Realize that their opinion doesn’t mean they’re right

3. (Sometimes) curse them for their obvious blindspots in their literary knowledge for not recognizing the brilliance in the piece

4. Move on

This literally happened to a client of mine recently. Someone commented on a line they wrote – basically, the critic hated it. I was perplexed. Twenty years ago, I might have been hurt and embarrassed, because I endorsed the line so strongly myself.

But I realized that the problem wasn’t me or the line. The problem was the reader. I’m not being arrogant when I say that. Maybe they would get it another day. Maybe not. But regardless, it was a damn good line. That I was sure of – I could tell you 20 reasons why it is. In this case, I skipped Step 1 and completed Steps 2-4 in a split second.

Here’s what I think the main lesson is: it’s important for us to do our best not to let other people’s opinion affect us or our writing. I heard an axiom once that I think applies well here: nobody has a monopoly on the truth. Take advice. Solicit opinions. Take unsolicited opinions with a HUGE grain of salt. And realize that all advice and opinions are coming from the viewpoint of just one person.

And please, please, please! Don’t let them stop you from writing in the first place! You have something to say. Just say it, and don’t let the bastards get you down.

Key Takeaway: Everyone has an opinion, but nobody has “the truth”. So don’t let the bastards get you down. Their whims shouldn’t be your worry! Write what you want to write. If someone doesn’t like it, fine. Show it to someone who does. Those are your real readers anyway.

Over to You: How Do You Face Down Criticism?

Do you have any tricks for dealing with negative comments about your writing? Do you have a story about not letting the bastards get you down? What are your three “I” countries? Let us know in the comments below! I would imagine that most writers with any sort of experience have had to deal with detractors and haters.

In the meantime, I’ve included a link to Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED Talk on creativity. It’s a classic I’ve turned to several times, and well worth the watch!

Until next time, keep writing with wild abandon – and olé what comes!

~Graham

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