Or, How I Fell Off My Literary Horse and Got Right Back On - June 16 was Bloomsday during the centenary of James Joyce's "Ulysses". It's prompted this, my longest post ever, about finding readers, staying creative, and having fun with your writing.
OK, I took some time now to read this. It is not my kind of passage, because it did not catch me. But this is hard to judge, maybe the whole story would.
In general I think you should write with your voice and I here very much agree with Saunders. He is also right when he says that everyone should work on their own (shit)-hill instead of trying to be Hemingway.
I think you should totally write the way you like it, because there will never be the case that everyone will like it. Getting a book published is anyway extremely hard. What about doing short stories in the meantime?