✍️ How to Write for Readers While You’re Writing for Yourself

or, What Would You Like on Your Pizza?

For years, my wife and I have talked about building a pizza oven in the backyard. Decades, maybe. I’m not sure if I mentioned, but I’m not really that guy. If we have a clog in the drain or a broken fixture, I’m the guy you call if you want to make it worse. You know, so you get your money’s worth when you call the real person to fix it.

But then I found a great little pizza oven that runs on propane and gave it to Noël for her birthday. Sure, it doesn’t have the same romance or cachet as that wood-burning brick oven we’ve been dreaming of. And, the pizzas need to be a titch smaller. But you know what? It works! It’s on our front porch right now, and we use it summer and winter.

When we first got it, we hosted a pizza party to break it in. I took a lot of time planning toppings, trying to find at least one item for each particular guest. It was fun. I imagined the look on their faces when we revealed those personalized toppings to them like Christmas morning.

So when I read Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird (as I promised I would), this piece of advice really resonated with me:

“It is one of the greatest feelings known to humans, the feeling of being the host. Of hosting people, of being the person to whom they come for food and drink and company. This is what the writer has to offer.” 
-Anne Lamott

And that metaphor was my moment of clarity. It was our house, our décor, our agenda, our music, BUT it was all designed with our guests in mind. We weren’t necessarily creating a world for them, per se. But we were inviting them into our world for a little while, setting out some common ground, and making sure they were comfortable and taken care of.

What the Hell Does Making Pizza Have to Do with Writing?

This is an age-old question, and a seeming paradox: write for yourself versus write for your readers. I know a lot of writers get confused by it – I’ve been struggling with this very question. The problem is, I see both sides of the debate. Who wants to write something for other people that they don’t want to write it? On the other hand, what’s the use of writing something for other people if they don’t want to read it?

But Anne Lamott pulled it together nicely for me. A good host designs the evening and sets the table with the guests in mind.

Again, it’s not exclusively about creating a space that the guest and only the guest will enjoy. It’s about taking what’s the host’s and highlighting the parts that will appeal most to the guest. So, if some of your guests are vegetarian, they won’t like your chorizo sausage BUT they may like an Extreme Bean as a new and unusual topping for their pizza. If you have red wine normally, you may pick up a bottle of white for those who enjoy that instead. If your guests don’t like pizza (if such people exist…), then a pizza party is a non-starter. Maybe it’s tapas instead?

Writing is like this. And it is something I know of firsthand. My first (unpublished) novel was full of secret allusions that tickled me pink. I really wanted to connect with a reader on a different level, have them chuckle at my obscure – but hilarious!!! – references, and come along on a fun ride with me.

Thing is, I made my references too obscure, and the “fun ride” instead left them standing alone on the sidewalk...

From the Ridiculous to the Sublime

Back to the hosting analogy, obscure writing to please yourself is perhaps the equivalent to inviting someone into your home, making them stare at a Jackson Pollack painting (a painter they’ve never heard of), and telling a Dalton Trumbo joke (a screenwriter they’ve never heard of) – all before you take their jackets. It becomes so inside that it’s exclusionary, not inclusionary.

Or, to put it simply, it’s ridiculous and self-indulgent and puts people off. (Hence, the “unpublished” status of my novel. lol)

I’ve learned that you have to lead the reader a bit more. You need to give context. So, if you want to talk about why your Jackson Pollack painting is so fascinating to you, you need to give your guest a little background. Explain who Jackson Pollack is. Discuss the world of abstract art. Talk about your connection to the painting and maybe art in general. Demonstrate how and why it moves you.

Bring them inside before you tell your inside joke.

I’m getting better at this. A prime example is the header and sub-head of this post. When I first started this Substack, I would have reversed them so that the titles would be “What Would You Like on Your Pizza? or, How to Write for Yourself While You’re Writing for Readers”. I liked (like...) being mysterious and oblique, hoping to draw people in to find out what I’m on about now.

But what if they stumbled on this post via Google? The header is too mysterious to be helpful. And for what? Regular readers may (or may not...) understand there is more going on. Even they (i.e., you) might have had enough of my shenanigans and move on. By reversing the headers, I am clear and up front with what the post is about, but I still get to attempt my funky word play (which pleases and amuses me to no end, in case that needs saying). Those who like it can still enjoy the sublime. Those who don’t can gloss over it without feeling the need to decode some cipher to learn what the post is about. We all win!

Key Takeaway: Writing for yourself or your reader is not the stressful paradox some make it to be. The answer is: do both. Picture yourself hosting a party. You want to invite guests in, make them feel comfortable, and design an evening they’ll enjoy. And don’t forget: bring them inside before you tell your inside joke.

Over to You: Have You Solved the “Who Do You Write for” Paradox?

First though, small fun fact: we didn’t even have pizza the night of our pizza party. Everyone brought appetizers, and we got too filled up. But hey, no big deal! We rolled with what our guests wanted. They still had fun (as did we). Now, we remember it as the pizza-less pizza party, which has its own humourous charm and, importantly in terms of this post, underlines the point…

Who do you write for? Assuming you want your stuff read, of course. Do you contort yourself to your readers’ fancies? Do you ignore them and do feels good for you? Have you found a happy middle? Let us know in the comments below.

I’ll leave you, shame-filled, with a video about building the brick pizza oven I never made. Scroll down below!

Until next time... keep writing with wild abandon!

~Graham

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email me if you get lost.