✍️ Four Ways to Curb Your Perfectionism

or, How to Keep On Moving On…

Isn’t it funny how you can be judgey-judgey about someone one day, and the next day you see that same person staring back at you in the mirror?

Yep, that literally happened to me. A week or two ago, my slow-dawning realization finally hit me while shaving: I am, in fact, a perfectionist. At least when it comes to writing.

I’d like to think that I’ve never judged other people harshly for their writing perfectionism. Truth is, I have seen perfectionism be a destructive force in writers. But I’ve also seen perfectionism be a huge asset. You don’t write stories like JD Salinger or make films like Stanley Kubrick without whatever obsessive/compulsive-inducing chemicals they have running through their blood.

It’s a game of diminishing returns though, and there needs to be a balance. At what point do you say, “Good enough!” and move on?

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I thought it would be helpful for me to drill down further to identify exactly what mechanisms are at work in my own brand of perfectionism. What I found may not be true for all perfectionists, but this is what happens to me.

1. First, it’s not lost on me that my perfectionism tendencies come out while writing fiction. I suspect confidence has something to do with it. I’m much more certain in my day-job writing identifying when something is “right” or “wrong”.

2. Second, I do want to write the perfect sentence. I want my immortal “Call me Ishmael” passage. That’s part of what drives me to keep polishing. Another part: I want to write that perfect sentence for the sake of the perfect sentence. I like bringing creative ideas into existence, whether I get credit for them or not.

3. Further, I think some part of me believes that the perfect sentence is out there, waiting to be uncovered. It’s a strong compulsion, like Indiana Jones reaching for the Holy Grail just beyond his fingertips at the end of the third movie. If I reach just a little bit further… Or, maybe I just need to move nouns and verbs around the board like an incredibly complex game of Wordle until I get it right. Nope, that’s not it. Nope. Nope… Yes! Thing is, the New York Times isn’t lighting up my cubes to tell me what words need changed.

4. Eventually, my perfectionism can ruin the piece like over-kneaded dough.

Lately, I’ve been considering this: we live in a nuanced world where there’s no such thing as a single black-and-white perfection. There are a few times I’ve struggled over a sentence, made a tweak, and then realized it made absolutely no difference to the success of that sentence. (Okay, this has happened many times…) Worse, you show two sentences to six people and get seven different opinions. Nobody is going to agree on what’s “perfect” anyway. So why do I still chase perfection when there’s clear evidence it doesn’t even exist?

I’m still working on that one. But not as hard as working on not being perfect in the first place. Here are four strategies I’m actively trying right now to curb my perfectionism:

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I don’t rewrite right away.

“These are the words you are looking for…”

This is a toughie for me, because as soon as I finish a piece (a paragraph, a sentence), I go right to the beginning to start fixing it. Forcing myself not to do that is difficult. It’s like playing Jedi mind tricks on myself. I can picture Obi Wan Kenobi waving his robed hand in front of my bewildered face and saying, “These are the words you are looking for…” That’s how I wrote this post – I dashed it out, put it away, and looked at it again later. The approach saved me a lot of time fretting over commas and adjectives that really don’t make a difference to the reader.

I’m trying to get better at realizing that I’m fretting.

On that note, I’m training myself to recognize the symptoms of fretting sooner. Have I spent five minutes pushing around a couple of words? If I look at the two or six or 12 minor-tweak versions, are any of them “wrong” and any of them “perfect”? There will certainly be some stinkers, but there will be at least four options that are equally as good as the others. I’ve got to stop fretting, pick one, and move on.

I edit faster.

My perfectionism streak also comes up in later drafts – probably even more so. Therefore, I’m employing a similar tactic when I’m editing. Read quickly. Make changes where necessary. Leave well enough alone when alone it works well enough.

When I proofread, I don’t edit.

I always do two or three final proofreadings of anything before I send it out. Problem is, I also make perfectionist tweaks along the way. Not only is that counterproductive, it actually increases the chances of introducing the same typos I’m looking for…

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These strategies are partially aspirational, by the way. I’m getting better, but I know there is more fretting and Wordle-ing to come. Baby steps, Graham. Baby steps.

And, for the record, rewriting is vital to improve your writing. I’m not suggesting we don’t rewrite. What I’m talking about here is pushing peas around a plate in a way that accomplishes nothing. (There’s that careful balance again…)

I want to leave you with one last realization I had: There isn’t one “perfect” sentence; there are in fact a thousand of them. We’re not looking for a needle in a haystack. We’re looking for a needle in a needlestack.

Choose one, and move on.

Over to You: Do You Suffer from Perfectionism?

You perfectionists out there: tell me if any of this sounds familiar. Is your brand of perfectionism similar, and how do you combat it? Let us know in the comments!

If this post might be helpful for other writers in your life, please Share with them as well!

Until next time, keep writing with wild abandon!

~Graham

email me if you get lost.